you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
