i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
smell my finger.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just want nice things and good sex
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
