get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This baby is an asshole
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
