i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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