i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
