Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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