i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
