Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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