I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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