just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
