Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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