Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
