I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
