I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
