So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's rum buckets o'clock
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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