On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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