i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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