Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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