I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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