My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
