I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
