after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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