Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
