I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
