dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
