I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
