if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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