You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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