You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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