Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
