rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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