You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
