I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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