it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
