I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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