i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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