bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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