so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
