i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
