Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
