i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
