make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
