he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
