THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
