She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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