i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize