so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
