What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
