What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
