Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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