You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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