Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
