i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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