i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
