i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
