there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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