I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I am spending my child support on dildos
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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