just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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