hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Your dad touched me again.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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