I looked at my own cervix.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
