I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
