Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
