Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
