Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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