How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
