just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
