Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
