she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
