soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
