Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
