i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
