Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize