i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
