I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i need some magic done to my vagina
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
