Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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