Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
