hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
