omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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