He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
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