im drinking this country out of the recession.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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