the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize