Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My feet surprised me
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