We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
