She is in my trunk
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
