we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
