We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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