Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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