I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
