I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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