Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize