Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
