i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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