WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
