'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
