69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
