I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Text me some of your sweat
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
