so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
