dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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