See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
