i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
