great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
